Quote of the Day

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

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Lovely Path in Switzerland.  Jen and I took a walk near the town of Zermatt one morning and I saw this path and wanted to take it, of course.

It’s 5:35 A.M. and I’ve been up for an hour and a half.  I am tired but having trouble sleeping because my body aches.  I can tell my left arm with shingles is improving and I’m so grateful for that but I think the drug I am taking to relief nerve pain is also causing my legs and sometimes back to ache.  But also my scapula is achy.  Anyway, laying there in bed doesn’t help so I get up in the night and take a shower or bath.  I’m grateful for the relief of a hot shower on my back and since my end goal is to be able to get back to bed and sleep, I have kept the lights off while I shower.  I have enough light from the outside window and so it works.  But also for me, it’s the worry component regarding my MRI tomorrow.  Mostly, what I fear of course is that the tumors have grown and that new ones have formed but also I wonder about what kind of treatment I will have to endure.  That’s one of the hardest parts because life gets so disrupted and so as I sit here I wonder what path my life will take next.

Yesterday, my running and neighborhood friends met and because Sue Buehner had texted each of them, we hiked to the trail head of Neff’s Canyon and then went into the woods a bit and had a prayer circle.  Sue offered the most beautiful prayer and we were all crying.  It is so touching to be there when people are crying because of your sad situation.  It’s really quite lovely to know you are cared about and loved.  I talked to them about how I felt peace after this last diagnosis because I no longer tried to dictate what would happen to me.  I prayed to Heavenly Father and turned it all over to him.  I said that I didn’t know what he had planned for me but that I was just going to go with that.  And that brought me peace.  It felt right to not be a victim to this roller-coaster ride of thinking I was cured and then learning otherwise.  Frankly, I was emotionally exhausted and needed to turn this burden over.  I have thought a lot about the education I have received from having such an aggressive form of cancer- and all the treatments and then thinking about leaving this world and all that means.  I am quite certain I need this education for the next world.

When I got home yesterday, Melissa Faber left this text on my phone.  I love how she verbalized so much that I was trying to say.  She has been an incredible support to me.  She showed up with gifts and a book the first night of my diagnosis, four-and-a-half years ago.  She has this way of knowing just what a person needs.  She is gifted that way.  Here’s what she wrote:  “Thanks for this morning. I was so grateful to hear your expressions of peace with all the physical things swirling around you. I feel and know it is at that point in our health (body) journeys that we get to a place where we stop resisting… that we get (finally reach a place )to a place of stillness and peace. A great place of healing (dropping the need of being healed). It is that place that we hear and know of Gods presence and that He sees us the most. I am so profoundly grateful to witness that in YOU and it gives me such great joy to be an observer and partaker of that beauty… And it give me a greater testimony of Him and that I know and feel that you are okay. I know and feel how connected you are to Him and feel that he is standing right by your side- a blessing and a gift that not all of us get and one we can pull from in hard physical emotional times. Isn’t that a wild thing to think of… But there are gifts in hardship (in illness and cancer). YOU ARE A BLESSING and a GIFT.  Thank you and I love you!”

I am so blessed to have such dear friends!

Can’t get over the view Jen and I had of the Matterhorn!  We had such an amazing hike that day!

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