Saturday, April 14

Quote of the Day:  “Our death is not an end if we live on in others.”  Albert Einstein

Yesterday, Sue O., Sue B., Cokie and I started off on our long run.  The Sues turned around before us because Sue O. has a marathon this weekend in Paris, and Sue B. prefers half-marathons and so Cokie and I ran/walked on.  We ran from the Rite-Aid to the Maverick on 2700 S. and 2000 E. and then looped around Sugarhouse Park, back up to the Maverick, back into Holladay, up Kentucky Ave, along Wander Lane, down around Cottonwood Elementary and then Cokie ran back while I headed down Cottonwood Lane and through a few streets back to my car.  I reached 18 miles exactly when I got there, happy to be through for the day.  What started out to potentially be a rainy morning turned into beauty.  The snowcapped peaks were the first to have the sun shine directly on them and they were a beautiful sight.  It always feels like a miracle when plants that have been dormant all winter start to get green little buds forming on them.  It seems like they are reaching out from the hard ground, stretching to become something bigger, more beautiful and indeed they will.  I felt pretty good but at times wondering if I have it in me to go another 10 miles or whatever distance is required that day.  We runners know we have an obsession to complete what we set out to do even if it means crawling to the end on hurt legs and feet.  

I woke up this morning feeling discouraged with myself.  I’m sure we all feel this way from time to time where we rate ourselves against others and feel like we should be doing more, accomplishing more, giving more and being more.  We compare ourselves and fall short of where we feel we should be in life.  So, I was having one of those mornings and that can be good if it motivates us to try harder, fail more, expect more of ourselves but it can also be detrimental if instead it makes us just feel inadequate and affects our self-worth.  I think for me it is more motivating than anything else.  I remember a friend in junior-high complaining that I was always trying to improve myself, as if that’s a bad thing, but maybe what she meant was that I should also be content with myself so there’s this fine line between improvement and acceptance.  

And then Joe and I picked up my Mom and sister, Erin and went to a funeral for my cousin’s son, Jeremy.  I have never met Jeremy but wanted to support his family in this loss.  Jeremy, at 16, was killed in an ATV accident Easter weekend.  I was so touched by the testimonials of his life describing him as outgoing, adventurous, loving, fun, happy, friendly, and daring.  I heard many people talk about how he had made their life so bright, how his presence on this earth would never be replaced, how he was in a happy place and it was up to those left to carry on without him.  I was so touched by his older brother who spoke about the two of them as the peanut-butter and jelly on the sandwich, how he had spent his life right next to his best friend, how he understood the privilege of protecting his younger brother.  

And then I learned about true love and service.  Jeremy and his brother, Josh lived with their aunt and uncle who had taken them in about three years ago because their parents had been unable to provide a stable home for them.  With two older boys of their own, Kari and Jeff opened their home to their nephews and all lives were made better for it.  They described how these boys have brightened their home, funny stories of doing the ordinary day-to-day things and then stories of camping trips and visits to a piece of property they own.  Jeremy and Josh have lived hard lives but because of Kari and Jeff, they were being taken care of and loved.  

At the funeral, I thought about my mindset upon awakening and my perspective changed.  I understood that I should be striving to help the lives of others and stop worrying about some of the other things I want to accomplish in my life, that usually involve possessions.  But I also realized that not everything we want is for our good and that we have to be patient for things to occur.  The bishop who conducted today was so positive and hopeful in his remarks.  He said that “What God has given us is to be used for others.”  And that summed it up for me.  None of our talents were meant to lay dormant and untouched, they were meant to be shared.  And if we don’t share them, then we have failed.