Quote of the Day: “A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbors.” Richard Whately
Today, Lori, Melissa, Teri, Donna, Cokie and I begin running from the Rite-Aid in Holladay. Again, we ran north along Lynne Lane following 20th East until we reached six miles away, somewhere near Foothill Village. I felt great the first hour and then ran out of steam. Luckily, Cokie was out of steam too so she and I and Donna walked a lot of this 17 mile run. We did finish underneath a beautiful blue sky, the sun shining down on us, the air crisp, the mountains covered in white. It was cold when we started, mittens and jackets required. It took a long time to finish this run/walk but our legs weren’t too tired because we had walked so much of it. Of course, I try not to think too much about how long it will take to finish a marathon at this rate and I try to get that thought out of my head and just blindly go into this endeavor hoping to feel superior that day. I must admit that it makes me feel very good to say I went 17 miles this morning. That part feels good as I listen to the aching of my legs.
I was telling Donna and Cokie that I don’t really go back and read what I wrote in my blog a year ago. I seem to remember it all too well. I do remember that it was about this time that we had a head shaving party. Everyday, many times, I look at my hair and its growth and feel grateful that it has returned, grateful for its color, thickness and curl. Every now and then I’m reminded of how it feels to be conscious of your appearance everywhere you go, thinking about how people will respond to you, but I acknowledge that some people might feel that way their entire lives and that breaks my heart.
I dreamt about Lynne this week and was buoyed up by my dream experience. It’s hard to describe but each of us has an aura about us and I love spending time, even if it’s in my dreams, with Lynne so I can remember her aura. We were on vacation with our children, they were young and we were young mothers. I thought this morning how I wanted to be a mother more than anything else in this world. I mean it, that was the one experience I wanted to have, to be a mom and I think Lynne felt the same way. All the other stuff is incidental but the privilege of raising children is where it’s at. That role is sacred to me and gives me the most anguish if I mess it up. When I was expecting Taylor, after having three older boys, I was praying for a girl. When we found out that Taylor was a boy- they were quite positive through the ultra-sound- I was disappointed. Not in Taylor, but just coming to terms with the knowledge that my chance of having a girl was slim or gone. I was so glad that we had that ultra-sound three months before he was born. That gave me time to work through my feelings especially since only Joe and I knew it was a boy. By the time Taylor was born on July 2, 1991, I couldn’t have been more pleased. It has been a pleasure in every way raising him and I really have to marvel at how I cared what the sex was of my baby. Here was this healthy beautiful child and I wanted more than that?
How grateful I am for this life I’ve been given, for a body that can run, play tennis, a brain that can think and this week I started practicing the piano again. I stopped while I was sick and then haven’t picked it up again until now. How grateful I am that life is moving back to the normal range.
Taylor in Guatemala, age 20
Hey Joanie, Just wanted to say hello. I think of you often and so enjoy reading your blog. Keep up the good work and great attitude! You’re an inspiration to us all!