Morning sky on Thursday, December 11. Anxious about my MRI!
I woke up early this morning anxious to get my blogging done before my morning run. So I sat and composed and got a good paragraph in and then my computer went blank! And so, here I am later in the morning determined to write this blog before I get on with my day. Big week for me as I had my 6 month MRI on Thursday. I was feeling pretty confident that I was ok but then I would have a headache or my eyes would hurt and I would be sure that something was going on inside my head. More than twice, I have been almost struck dumb by a diagnosis. The only symptom I even could attribute to breast cancer was a bit of tiredness but then I also realize that could have just been my body being tired. For the brain tumor, I did have a few extremely short episodes of dizziness, maybe a second or two and then they were gone. That happened in September 2013 when I was standing in front of a group of students so I really didn’t think too much of that. I also noticed that my eyes were red and dry (but I had Lasik surgery about 8 years before) so I thought that was part of it. Some other things I did notice, but was not too alarmed by, was that my urine was a bit darker and had a smell and finally, I felt apprehensive, like something was bugging me but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. None of those things worried me though. I never imagined a brain tumor! Then in January, 2014, after a day of headaches, the catscan showed a tumor the size of a golfball. I thought there would have been more warning.
But I need to pause here and say how amazing the medical care I received was. I am so grateful for these medical doctors, nurses and professionals that worked on me, cared for me and got me back to health,happiness and hope. I can dream again! My brain MRI looked just like it did in July. No sign of disease which I am eternally grateful for.
I believe in miracles, I know that angels administer for our behalf and I feel a very strong sense of responsibility to live my life well. I look at my sister, Lynne’s pic every day many times and I know that I must live well because she can’t. I miss her darling face and voice. Such a sweet sister who wanted to live more than anything! I love watching her grandchildren growing bigger but it hurts that she is not here, on the earth, to hold them. She would have loved being a grandma so much and she would have been a fabulous one! She taught me so much about being brave and never complaining and looking forward with hope.
I woke up on Thursday, day of the scan and started practicing the piano and then noticed that there was the most beautiful sunrise. I ran outside with only socks on, up the street to get a good picture over Mount Olympus. I love the strength this mountain gives my soul!
As I sat in the doctor’s office waiting for the MRI results, I had such a calm feeling, totally at peace but also knowing that the scan was clean. I felt so confident that I didn’t even need the doctor to tell me, I already knew. After the scan, I happily sent a text to all those who I wanted to immediately know. Then Joe and I drove up to Millcreek Canyon for a moment of beauty and a pic in that setting. I am so grateful that I get to keep living and that I don’t have to worry about another procedure to fight cancer!