Sunday, March 4

Quote of the Day:  “No man is free who is not master of himself.”  Epictetus

I was thinking about all the support I had last year and how that profoundly confirmed to me the power of the human act, that we are instruments in God’s hands and we need to be there for each other.  I reflected on how that support system has slowly let me get back to life as I knew it BC (before cancer).  I appreciate that.  It’s almost like I have to fly on my own again, relying on what I’ve learned from the buoying of others to go forward and live life to the fullest.  I heard this today, a quote by Joseph Smith, “…if you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.”  I want the angels around me.  I want to be surrounded by people from the other side who are in my corner, caring about my problems and wanting me to reach my potential.  I keep thinking about my last Lynne dream, she was so happy and looked so beautiful.  That is how I want to remember her.  I want her spirit to be around me.

Yesterday, I ran 12 miles.  Sue and I started and ran 4 miles before we met up with Cokie, Sue, Lori, Melissa and Terry.  The latter three were faster and at the Maverick we persuaded them to go on ahead.  By the time my Garmin clicked 8 miles, I was tired, discouraged and my hamstrings in both legs hurt.  Hamstrings have been a issue of me for a while- it’s a common runner injury and here’s the reason why.  Runners muscles tighten as they run and so those muscles remain tight unless other stretching exercises are performed.  I admit I have been negligent in not stretching my muscles after a run.  I expect my body to do what I want it to do and I have asked a lot of my body this past year.  I also am increasing my milage quickly which can lead to injuries.  So when the hamstrings tighten, the stride becomes shorter and more labored which is exactly what happened.  It’s almost like two parts of me are running.  My lungs and heart feel like they can go on forever but my legs and feet hurt and want to stop.  I was happy that after 10 miles my foot felt ok.  So on that note, I am encouraged but I really want to run and not be in so much pain.  I looked up hamstring stretches on the internet and I’m going to incorporate them into my daily routine.  I found this card within a packet of Power Thought Cards that Lynne gave me.  It said:  “I listen with love to my body’s messages.  My body is always working toward optimum health.  My body wants to be whole and healthy.  I cooperate and become healthy, whole and complete.”

In studying the scriptures today in church, there was a section about gifts that are given from God.  Everyone is given some kind of gift and we are all recipients of different gifts.  There are gifts of faith, gifts of wisdom and knowledge, gifts of discernment, prophesy, working of miracles and then here is what really caught my attention, gifts including faith to heal and faith to be healed.  “And all these gifts come from God, for the benefit of the children of God.”  Doctrine and Covenants 46:26.  Isn’t that really what it’s all about?  Our gifts are given to us not to make us strong in the eyes of others, these gifts are given so that we can use them to benefit others.  So I really want to have the gift “faith to be healed” and maybe I didn’t start out in life with it but I really think I am developing it.  When I was in Costa Rica, I awoke with the profound feeling that I would be healed, that I would be able to live a lot more years.  That was a huge boost to my moral.  I stopped worrying about the future and felt more secure in thinking about it positively, something I saw so many people doing this past year because they didn’t have a terrible diagnosis like I did.  I would marvel at how they were so confident about the future just like I used to be before I knew what the future could hold.

Picture of Kate and Maggie eating blueberry pancakes on Saturday morning