Quote of the Day: “A healthy man has a million wishes, an ill man has but one.”
So I used this quote in a previous blog, but I wanted to use it again because it became so true for me this weekend. I was hit by some kind of demonic flu virus that stings hard and then holds on. If it could pass through a computer screen, I would tell you to run fast! A week ago, we took a family trip back to Colter Bay so Taylor, who hasn’t seen the Teton Mountain Range or Jackson Lake for two years, could get renewed before winter sets in. Already, it had become cooler and some of the leaves were turning yellow. We took our granddaughters in the car with us- Nate and Mary were following later that night- and about 2:00 A.M. Kate started to show signs of an intestinal flu. I got her washed, new pajamas and bedding and put her back into her playpen. Immediately, Maggie started in. As the days passed, I kept congratulating myself on escaping this one, only to be hit by it on Thursday night, almost a week later. Of course, it gave me pause, because it brought back all those feelings and emotions in regards to chemo. It reminded me of how illness takes away your motivation and will, how sometimes all you can do is wait until you get your strength back to move forward. It has made me so grateful for health.
But what I really wanted to talk about today is how much I miss my sister, Lynne. Today is the 1 year anniversary of her death. My Mom and I discussed how much we miss her and how sad we are that she had to suffer so before she passed away. I looked at her last texts to me this week and I listen to her voicemail often. My Mom made the comment that she feels robbed of her time with Lynne and indeed that is how I feel. It was too short a time, she had so many dreams and plans. I am comforted by the promise that she is free of pain, that she will live again, and that the work that she accomplished on the earth will go on. I think of her children and how, because of her sacrifices and love, have done great things with their lives. I know she expects a lot from them. I’m comforted also, that her next generation is now upon us in the form of a beautiful baby boy. I also realized this week, that when I think of Lynne, look at a picture of her, or reflect upon a memory, I feel her “essence” or “aura”. I love that because that can not be taken away, unless I let it. As I watched the US Tennis Open women’s double’s match today, I thought of the summer we dominated as a team. I have no idea why we played so well together, and partly that’s the beauty of it, we didn’t have to try hard to make it work, it just worked- it felt natural to have her there on the court. We seemed to know where the other one was and I love that I had that experience with her.
I read a talk by Henry B. Eyring today called Child of Promise. He says this about time: “Time passes at a fixed rate and we can’t store it. You can just decide what to do with it- or not to do with it. Even a moment’s reflection will help you see that the problem of using your time well is not a problem of the mind but of the heart.” So time is this amazing gift that we get from God and we have to use it wisely. Nothing reminds you of that like being sick when you really can’t use time like you can with a healthy mind and body!
Lynne in Tahiti, January 2011