Thursday, January 30, 2014



Here’s what you look like in a Panamanian village with the Embera Tribe with no idea that you have a large tumor growing on the right side of your brain.  I connected with this Mom and two sisters, we didn’t need language to know that we felt a connection.  They gave me a bracelet they had made.  January 14, 2014

So this blog that became such a release and heightened my understanding when I was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago, will now become a place where I will be spending some time.  I love to write and I know that through writing, one can understand what one really thinks about what is going on.  I must first say that I am changed.  I have had such an amazing experience that I will only totally share with my family and dear friends, but I want to tell the world some of what has been impressed on me.  I have been “wreaked” in a profound way.  I can’t look at the world the same, I can hardly tolerate the T.V. noise, I want to hear Mozart, I can’t stand that people are not living their lives to the fullest but having said all of that, I have an overwhelming feeling of love and peace.  I know some people will read this and marvel that this is possible, that news of a large mass in your brain could not leave you reeling with the deepest feelings of despair but that did not happen.

I have been buoyed up by angels, they are pulling for us and their concern for us is real and profound.  The other part that I need to shout to the world is that we all need to step-it-up and help each other.  We need to get out into our communities and make a difference.  It’s not ok to just be worried about your own self and your own comforts.  First, make sure that your own family, children and grandchildren are taken care of, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Then get out there and help other people.  Our city, Salt Lake, is full of people who need us. The world needs us to care. We have the power to make this such an amazing place but it won’t happen unless we change.  We are all connected to each other deeper than most of us understand and to help another person, helps us all. We are not doing enough.

Now, a bit of the story. Last Wednesday, January 22, I was told I had a tumor on the right side of my brain.  Joe and I looked at each other, and I watched as tears filled his eyes. Another insight hit me as I  hurt to wonder what was in store for him.  They took me for a  CT Scan to determine what else was going on with the rest of my body so they would know how to proceed with the tumor.  They couldn’t see anything else going on.  While I was in the scan, a neurosurgeon, whose father we knew and actually knew of him when he was young, and my brother-in-law, Pete, came and met with Joe.  They told him that the tumor was treatable and that we would need to remove it, soon.  My records and insurance are at another hospital and a surgeon from that hospital just happened to be there at that time scrubbing up to operate on a patient.  We saw miracle after miracle like this in our treatment.  The neurosurgeon came to meet with Joe and we were able to consult with him later that day and schedule surgery for Friday.  I am so grateful for these incredibly smart and hard-working doctors who have prepared themselves so that they were ready for my surgery.  My brother-in-law Pete is amazing.   I asked him if this was it for me, meaning the end and he said “It’s treatable”.  Those were comforting words.  More tomorrow…

Alex, Katie & Taylor, and Joe skiing at Snowbird the week before surgery.



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