Quote of the Day: “Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.” Carl Sandberg
Exercise Log: This morning Joe and I went back up to Burch Hollow so he could experience the flowers on the pipeline trail. He wasn’t quite as appreciative in word or overcome with ecstasy at the beauty at the meadows as Kathy and I were the other day, oh well. We went exactly 5.10 miles- it took a few laps around the car when we reached it as we were determined to log the right milage. (+.35)
Serida Foss brought over a basket filled with lemon goodies. It says “When Life gives you Lemons- Make Lemonade”. It would seem that I have drawn lemons from the basket, or the short straw or even got in the wrong line when they were giving out genes in Heaven, but this has been my best feeling week yet so I am encouraged. I can even believe that it’s going to feel possible to run when chemo is over-don’t quite know how the radiation will affect my fatigue level. It has got me dreaming about better days, though. I want to start taking some weight-lifting classes after chemo. I’m almost 2 weeks away from the last infusion which seems a far cry from the 16 weeks facing me at the beginning so there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I think I can see it.
I went to Skyline today and worked on cleaning out my files. I’m just taking a sample from all the units I taught there in the hopes that the person who replaces me could use these files. I wish I could transfer all the information from my brain to the new Community of Caring teacher. There is so much I have learned over these 14 years that I would want to share. Most of all, I want someone to really understand the importance of giving back and how that can alter a teen-ager’s life. If students can start at a young age to give, forget about themselves and really understand that the world does not revolve around themselves, and that they can make a difference in the life of another, they are on the right path. My fear is that someone will just teach the class, which has been done a few times, by a teacher who just doesn’t get it, and that’s worse. That puts a bad taste in the mouth of students and does worse for promoting service learning than not taking the class at all. I do have to say though, that as a teacher you get use to getting little or no thanks for your efforts, certainly your pay doesn’t reflect the work or influence you leave on your students but after 14 years of teaching, I received a card written by the library assistant saying “Thank you for all your hard work and dedication to our students and faculty here at Skyline! We wish you all the Best! Thanks- Skyline Morale Committee”, included with a $25.00 gift certificate. I don’t mean to be ungrateful but that’s it. 14 years of teaching.
It’s peculiar that this teaching thing just seemed to fall in my lap, granted I did get a secondary teaching certificate right out of college and then recertified 15 years later, but I had no idea how this opportunity would be such a hugely rewarding piece of my life. I said to Joe last night that I am definitely in a transition period and know that there are great things for me to do in the future. I want to feel productive and useful. I want to create and be a contributor and find my destiny and here’s the big question. Do you have to search it out or will it just appear, will it make sense to me as soon as I see it? I wonder.
My life changed 5 years ago when my son took his life. I worked full time as an accountant for the City of Sacramento. I had a boss that did not understand grief and expected overtime the minute I came back to work. I ended up having to resign. I loved my job..I worked 40 to 50 hours a week. I spent my leisure time reading 2 to 3 novels a week. That all changed the day he died.
I started scrapbooking Jason’s life…it gave my day purpose. I was in survival mode.
I still struggle reading a novel every 2 weeks and it has been 5 years now.
I have gained so much compassion for others..especially for those that have lost children to suicide. I am so thankful for the internet. I have joined a worldwide support group. I feel like I can help others that are dealing with this pain.
There have been a couple of times where I have had to learn to call the police department in towns where my internet friends have lived to check on them to make sure they are ok…and not ready to take their own lives.
I would never ask for this trial in my life..but I have grown.