Quote of the Day: “Our trials are tests; our sorrows pave the way for a fuller life when we have earned it.” Jerome P. Fleishman
So I have been trying to run/walk every day in hopes that I can extend the running time and shorten the walking time. Today was a little better than yesterday but it is so hard to come back because in my head I’m imagining that I can run miles without stopping but the reality is really that I can go a little ways and then I need to stop and walk. It’s hard to ask someone to do that with me every day when their fitness level is much higher, so I don’t. I try to spread it around with different friends. I go about 4 miles a day and compared to the 35.7 miles I was putting in a week during chemo, my total will be more like 25 miles a week. But somehow the running seems harder than the walking did. However, the morning sky is always tremendous. Today it was especially clear, there were intermittent clouds that were a bright white and between the clouds you could see the stars. Now, here is what I find interesting about running. The view is so different coming than going. It’s like life, because you are facing one way, you might be missing what is going on facing the other direction. Sometimes, we wouldn’t even recognize the terrain if we didn’t mark which way we had come.
I love to write in my blog. I get excited knowing I will have time to write and discover through this blog. I love that it has forced me to believe in myself and my writing ability. Since I started writing in February, I have posted 212 entries and because it takes me between 30 minutes and an hour to post, that’s a lot of practice time that I’m putting in. And like any task, this one is so good for me because it requires me to really understand what I think. And I love it when my brain feels like it’s being challenged with a new concept.
This past Sunday, I spoke in Stake Conference and we are now the combination of two stakes so it was a really large group, chairs stretched all the way back to the stage in the cultural hall. Definitely, the largest group I have ever addressed. I have never worked on a talk more than this one. The topic was Let Your Light Shine with Courage so I spoke about my trials with cancer but I didn’t want that to be the focus, I didn’t want to sound like “poor, poor me” rather I wanted people to know all the great things that have happened to me because of the giving hearts of others and because of God’s great love for all of us. Here are the 6 concepts, I narrowed it down to, that I have learned:
#1 We are never alone. Heavenly Father provides a comforter. I really never felt like I was alone, there were always people who showed up to support me whether physically or with a thought, phone-call or card.
#2 Heavenly Father sends “Tender Mercies”: Mine came in the form of dragonflies. You might think I’m crazy, but I really felt hopeful every time I would see one. And to have one land right on my arm, priceless!
#3 We should be concerned what Heavenly Father Thinks of us, not what other’s think: Going bald and having to walk around doing everything that I would normally do, was a test. With cancer, you get to put all your pride aside, each day is a walk in humility and guess what? You learn that those things don’t really matter, what matters is who you really are, and how you act when no one is watching.
#4 The gospel is true. Heavenly Father hears our prayers, understands our hearts and accepts our fasts. This one was centered around Taylor who continually prays and fasts for my behalf. It has been hard for him to be away during all this but he has committed himself to work hard and be obedient.
#5 We are instruments in the Lord’s hands- we are our brother’s keepers: I have the most amazing family and friends in this world. A “cancer survivor” came up to me in Nordstrom’s one day and told me that a great benefit of having to go through cancer is that you get to see how amazing your friends and family are. How true! I know I will never be able to repay all the kindnesses that came my way. And I know that since I can’t do that, I have to pay it forward- give to someone else in need so that their burdens become light.
#6 We each have control over our attitudes. Everyone will have trials, it’s how you deal with them that counts. We all have this inner light that we must let shine.
The hardest part for me in speaking was talking about Lynne and Taylor. They are so dear to my heart, also all the family and friends who have been there for me!
Taylor- Guatemala- November 2011
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