Quote of the Day: I don’t care if they call me “baldie”. God took an eraser and brushed my head clean. I’d rather be bald on top than bald inside. Joe Garagiola
From Waking the Warrior Goddess: Practice stress-reducing breathing techniques every day.
Exercise log: Today I woke up sad, which is so unusual for me. I’m so glad that I have friends waiting to go walking. I got to Kathy English’s and Kathy, Sue, Melissa and I walked for about 1 hour (about 2.75 miles) and then I made myself do another 3.56 on stairmaster. (So including Sunday I now need to make up 2.46) The exercising helped lift my mood but still feel a bit down.
Sue B. and I went shopping for baby gifts, birthday presents and scarves. I found some at TJMAXX and now I just need to learn how to tie them. I think keeping busy is good and even though I dont’ feel like I have enough energy to still be teaching and everything else I had on my plate, the busyness is a distraction and keeps the blues at bay. I loved being w/ Sue B. today, she is so compassionate and understanding. I think part of my sadness stems from dealing with a lot of change but also not being needed in these areas you have built your life around. It’s like a mid-life crisis- Joe is in Dallas on business, our children are off busy with life, Mary and Nate are working so hard to provide a happy life for Maggie and Kate, Alex will be leaving for Russia this weekend and will tour around Finland and Latvia for about 10 days, Mike and Elle are busy with school and preparing for their life together, and Taylor just got transferred to Jocotenango, Guatemala- a beautiful area that means “Place of the Plums”. And to top it off, my students will be leaving for Costa Rica this week- a trip we planned and looked forward to enjoying together. I love being productive and I think this recent lack of production is taking its toll!
At Skyline, one of the issues we discussed in Community of Caring is how difficult change is on people and especially people at risk. Most people experience major change and loss about 7 times in their lifetime but people considered part of at-risk populations, perhaps those experiencing homelessness, death or other tragedies, experience loss much more often, perhaps many times per year. This is incredibly hard on children, especially. I’m in such a place of pain, that I just ache that people have to go through so much suffering. Tomorrow, I’m going to talk about Paul V. Johnson’s talk at Conference because there is so much that I want to understand about suffering.
I have decided to get a port through which they can administer my chemo. I hate needles and was really feeling concerned about the chemo sessions and what the medicine is doing to my veins. It means minor surgery on Monday, which is almost more than I can think about!
On a day when my spirits were so low, I met my 4-Season Friends for dinner, which we do once a month. I walked into the Jasmine and there they were this beautiful parade of pink- bandanas, shirts, bright cheeks. I felt so supported. I knew if I started to cry that I would never stop so thank you Heidi, Kelleen and Candi for making me realize that life is happy and we have so much to be grateful for and that just because everything is not going just like I want it to, I doesn’t mean that it’s not perfect in other ways. I hope that I get to repay the kindnesses done to me today!
Sue B. and I trying on hats at TJMAXX Kelleen, Joanie, Heidi and Candi at the Jasmine!
Joanie:
Love reading your blog!!!
You look beautiful…and as for your port surgery, it will be a snap…I actually went out to lunch with my husband after my port was “installed” … it will be better for you to have it & save your veins.
I can understand the emotional roller coaster that you are on. I was chatting with Lynne about that yesterday when I spoke to her. I remember when I was first diagnosed waking up some mornings just terrified….I recall one morning that I walked into my bathroom crying…but didn’t want to let my husband know that I was having a breakdown. In the beginning, after my diagnosis…I remember that cancer was the first thing that I thought of when I woke up in the morning, and the last thing on my mind when I went to bed. You are just at the beginning of all of this, so just give yourself some time. Obviously, you have many people that love you & that will help you through all of this.
Love the hats as well….you would be ready to attend the Kentucky Derby the first Saturday in May if you were here in Louisville….you would fit right in.
Long distance hugs,
Shelley