I think my last post sounded like I was ready to leave this earth any minute which really isn’t true. But since finding the last two tumors in my brain in June, my head has felt quite good. It’s been the rest of my body that’s struggled as outlined in last post. Saturday, I ran 9.5 miles and kept a pretty good pace. I paid for it later that day. I was tired and my legs were sore but I was happy knowing I had run that far. But today, I met friends at 5:45 A.M. for a walk and much needed prayer circle, then I came home and worked in the yard for a few hours and then after lunch I laid down for a few minutes and my shingled arm didn’t hurt. In fact it felt normal and good. I went to my piano lesson and came back home and took another Gabapentin (medicine to help nerve pain). I was excited because I had gone about 10 hours without taking any meds. I am encouraged by that and hope it means the shingles are going away and I am being healed. I will be incredibly grateful for that as nerve pain makes life miserable. The thoughts of living with that pain for the rest of my life is almost unbearable!
Mary, my darling daughter-in-law wrote me such an amazing text the other day as we talked about my blog and how it sounded like I was saying good-bye for good. Her words: “What I mean is, it is really scary, and the situation is really scary, but to see you, and be with you, you have such a beautiful peace about you, and are always so upbeat, that it caught me off guard that someone thought you were not doing well. You are so full of life. I choose to live right now in this moment when you don’t have any tumors, and you are traveling, and teaching, and looking so good! I won’t ignore it, but I don’t want to dwell on it either.”
She is so wise and I appreciate her perspective on everything. I am so fortunate to have the daughter-in-laws that I do. They are really like daughters to me!
My chances aren’t good that this is the last tumor we will see but there is the possibility that no more tumors will appear, ever. That would be a miracle and I so want to believe in miracles. In two days, I have another MRI that will tell how the Gamma Knife treatment worked on the two tumors found in June and of course if there is any sign of others. I, like Mary, choose to live in the present, sometimes. I am terribly calm and hopeful but also I have considered what other news they could possibly have for me and what course of action that would take. With these last two tumors, I have chosen to submit to God’s will and be ok with it. That has brought peace to my soul and allowed me to be happy even in the eye of the storm I have found myself in.
Joanie, at the top of Gornegrat, Switzerland