Hayley called me Friday to let me know of what all was going on. When she
told me about your diagnosis, my heart just dropped and tears came
instantly. I was with my friend here in North Carolina, Tim, and got to
talk to him about what was going on and the fist thing he said to me was,
“well it’s obvious she means a whole lot to you.” He was completely right..
you’ve hands down had one of the largest impacts on me and who I am today.
All weekend I thought about all the things you tought me.. the other day my
english professor went off on this tangent about life and “not playing the
game”. That the expectations and routes that are set out for you, all
dedicated towards this aim for a sense of personal gain, aren’t what matter
the most in life and I remember thinking about you and your class and even
the tennis team. I think that is what community of caring taught me over
and over. That life is not about doing things for a resume or for a sense
of self gratification, but life is more about acting on what one knew was
right, reaching out a hand, and seeing, hearing, and feeling with your
heart. I remember that the thing you stressed most in tennis wasn’t winning
and being a team dedicated to personal success; it was to be a team who
showed up with composure and who, through a win or a loss, could be fair
and respectful.. girls who cared more about the love of the game than the
expectation of a win. And look! it turned out a team who consecutively
placed at state.
Being in this change of scene and culture i’ve sometimes felt scared,
uncomfortable, confused, and overall it has just made me open my eyes up to
this huge world that i’m just a tiny part of. I think about if I wasn’t in
community of caring, if I hadn’t participated on the tennis team, if I just
hadn’t had your impact, I would be so many steps behind where I am in
handling everything. If there is one thing I had to say I learned over the
years, it is that yes the world can be a scary place.. but more than
anything it is a beautiful place and that no matter what, I need to have
hope in it. Not because it’s just what we do or in efforts to avoid facing
the negative things going on, but because it is this sense of hope that
creates optimism, happiness, and ultimately miricles.
More than anything I want to thank you so much for everything that you have
taught me, and take the time to let you know how much it all meant to me!
The impact is unbelievable and truely a gift. I want you to know that I’m
so hopeful for you and for this process you are going through. You are
constantly in my thoughts and prayers! I will be reading your blog.. stay
strong and keep fighting. If anyone knows how to its you!
P.S. In three weeks i’m running this local 5K put on by a sorority here
which is completely dedicated to breast cancer awareness and research. I’m
so excited for it and you will be in my thoughts the whole time.
Once again I am so impressed w/ the outpouring of love- I didn’t realize it would be so sweet!
So I just got off the phone w/ the State Epidemiology Department and they are going to do a Statistical Review of this area. Truthfully, it sounds like it will take a lot of time and they won’t even send anyone over to take soil samples, test the water etc. unless they find that there is an unusually high amount of cancer in this area and it’s approved by another governmental agency. Also, they are back logged at the Utah Cancer Registry- they haven’t done 2008-9 yet so my stats wouldn’t even be in study. My guess is that not much will be accomplished to help prevent cancer for anyone else of my street for a while, if ever. Still going to “dig” (no pun intended) to see if we can get soil analysed.
However, how darling are a group of boys in their 20s? Let me answer that- very, very darling. I received the most beautiful vase of flowers from these boys who spent a lot of time at my house, which I loved, and also had most in my classes at Skyline. Thanks to Spencer, Tanner, Tim, Sam, Cameron, Conrad, James, Boo (and family), Parker and Chris. Thanks for watching out for Mike. I loved what Tim said: “Nothing can be more trying than raising Mike as a son, so we know you can handle anything”. Way good!
I loved talking to Laurie Hymas, Linda Alder and Laurie Burt. Laurie B. sent me some uplifting and funny books and a classical CD- Debussy! Laurie, you have been such a source of fun and comfort in my life. We are ol’ college pals- English majors at the “U” and whenever I get w/ Laurie and Kelly we just pick up right where we ended. I so appreciate your thoughts. I so appreciate how much fun our families have had together. I so appreciate your antics! She called me before and after surgery and has kept such tabs on me! Money can’t buy that kind of support!
Joe and I visited w/ Dr. Lloyd yesterday. She said my healing is way ahead of schedule! The tumor was 1.2 centimeters and 3 lymph nodes were infected. They got clean margins on all! Since the tumor was so small but has caused such havoc, she suggested we get a Petscan which will tell us if there is cancer anywhere else in body. Petscans use nuclear medicine that is injected into your veins and also has sugar or glucose in it because it shows up cancer areas that are 1 centimeter or larger. So there still could be cells out there floating around in the body but… They will do tests later this week or early next week and then about 2 days waiting for results. It won’t change the plan for treatment, but they can see if chemo is working if they find something.
Thanks to our friend, Jeff Randal, we will see Bill Nibley tomorrow, oncologist at IMC. We will discuss plans for treatment.
I spent last night at Skyline finishing putting away folders and getting it ready for Mary Bruchett. She is a young girl who will sub for the end of the year. I’m relieved that i am leaving my students w/ a spunky, energetic person.