Sunday, February 12

I am in sunny, warm Costa Rica. It was clear to me why people choose to come here after we spent some time watching how nice the locals treat each other. A cylist passes in front of our car on a windy road, our driver honks and they wave at each other. Clearly, it seemed flipping the bird was appropriate but I was so pleasantly surprised. We stopped by the side of the road to view a clan of howler monkeys greedily enjoying passion fruit. A small baby was perched on an adult’s back. We arrived at our condo, happy with our beautiful accommodations after a 5 hour drive from San Jose. There is a man who owns a nearby restaurant but also apparently helps with this condo complex. His name is Willie and he is handsome and has a Tico disposition. He has been our “valet” and more. He took us to get groceries But it’s clear we can’t keep using him for all our wants and needs. We will have to rent a car certainly and not rely on Willie for everything. It is fun to be with my mom and sisters but their is a void without Lynne. I can feel her presence as surely she would have been here.

I read in Time that cancer is at the top of all of our lists for biggest fears. Heart disease kills more people each year but doesn’t evoke the fear of cancer. Here’s the reason- pain and prolonged suffering. It looked into my soul and said the very thing I have been fearing. It was so hard to see Lynne suffer as her body, which had always served her-giving her non-stop hours on the tennis court and golf-course, failed her. She had a rod put in her leg a month and a half before she died, she was the consummate optimist. I am still trying to sort through my emotions from her memorial and regarding her death and this writing helps. There is also this guilt of who lives and who dies all twisted up in it. I know one thing, I am propelled to live my life to the fullest noticing and enjoying each piece of it.


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