Sunday, September 6, 2015


Sue Buehner sent me this picture.  This is just how I am going to feel when the shingles leaves me.

My MRI scan looked great.  Those were the doctor’s words. One tumor was completely gone and the other was so small that probably all that was left was scar tissue.  Joe and I were completely and utterly overjoyed! It was so wonderful to call and text our family and friends with that news.  I am so grateful for medical technology and dedicated doctors.  Wednesday was a wonderful day, all in all.  I started the day with an MRI, at 7:45 A.M., and my emotions got the best of me.  I started to cry in the machine, I couldn’t control my tears.  They were running down the sides of my face and I kept telling myself to pull it together.  By the time they pulled me out, I was composed, pretty much.  We did have to wait until 1:30 to get the news but such great news was worth waiting for.

I have been celebrating in my heart ever since! I am so grateful for such a tender mercy and it just makes me want to heal my body so that I can live again.  I have a new appreciation for pain and understanding of pain management since I have had to deal with shingles, and the side effects from the drugs to treat it.  I have now had to deal with shingle pain for almost 4 months.  This is scary because if shingles last too long, and if it took too long to diagnosis it, then you could be left with post pain that can last from 3 months to years.  That is the incredible fear and what I hope I won’t have to face.  The pain is terrific but this last week I was really hopeful that the pain was lessening and I was on my way to less painful days.  I did, however, realize that while I was on the drug Gabapentin, that I wouldn’t be able to really tell if the pain was lessening.  I am also waking in the night with hip and leg pain and so I am going to wean off the drug to see if that helps.  I need to do that slowly, I have been told.  I talked to my oncologist regarding the pain with shingles and he suggested I make an appointment with a doctor who works with pain management, specifically acupuncture.  So unless my shingles and pain disappears in the near future, that is my next step.  Of course, I wonder, If I will ever feel good again.  I can only hope.  I really miss feeling healthy and excited and enthusiastic and joyous.  It’s so very hard to muster up any of those feelings while experiencing pain at this level.

But look, here is my Fight Song-  heard it on the radio the other day and it gave me courage!

“Fight Song” by Rachel Platten

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me…

Pic friends sent me on day of MRI after they heard the news.  They were hiking Mount Timpanogos


Hiking in Switzerland! August 2015






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