Zermatt in August.
Today, something really amazing happened. I felt happy again.
Last Thursday, I got up and started researching the post pain that comes after Shingles. It’s called postherpetic neuralgia and I’m pretty sure I have it. Of course, I didn’t want to believe it because no one knows how long it can go on. I’m encouraged though, because my pain is lessening or at least I am better able to handle the pain. So here is what happened. I have been very sad lately. I have felt that life was going on without me. I can’t play tennis because of a pulled muscle in my stomach. I couldn’t walk/run last week with my friends because of church commitments both morning and night. I teach school every other day, arriving at 6:30 A.M. so that leaves no time for exercising early on those mornings outside with friends. I would watch the news and everything in life seemed so sad, especially the Syrian crisis. It is tragic! Even boating with the grandkids seemed like a chore because I was in so much pain. I would cry myself to sleep at night. I had no motivation to do anything social.
This may seem odd, but even with all this pain, I really wanted to try to wean myself off of the drug, Gabapentin. This drug is used to relieve nerve pain. I was taking 5 pills a day to manage the pain. I have been taking the drug since July and have been increasing it to deal with the pain but what bothered me was that I didn’t have a sense of how much pain I was really experiencing because of the drug. When Joe and I visited the doctor a few weeks ago, I told him that I didn’t like how the drug made my legs fill achy. He thought I was taking 2 pills per day. I decided then to start weaning myself off the drug. I had been told to wean off it slowly. I am now down to 1/2 pill twice daily.
This afternoon, I took a short nap. When I woke up, I felt happy. I realized that I had forgotten what that felt like. I felt motivated and able to take on the day. I felt positive about the day, night and future. I went to the computer and looked at the side effects of Gabapentin and sure enough, one is depression. Now, I am still experiencing nerve pain, but some days are better than others and I do think my arm is getting better. I sure hope so but for now I am just so grateful to feel joy again!