Thursday, October 1, 2015


Trying to live life despite the pain in my left arm!  Maggie and Kate at the Mountain Bike Park in Snyderville.

Last week, I had an MRI test on my lower and upper spine in hopes of figuring out why I have this constant, nerve pain in my left arm and also pain in the scapula area of my back.  I really need to ask more questions about everything but especially about procedures I have. The MRI was so long. I had asked for a larger machine, luckily, but I was in there for so long that I started to panic. I finally said to the nurse that I needed to come out.  She said that I had 5 more minutes and then she would take me out, start the contrast and then I had only 20 minutes left. Once I got out of the machine, I felt I could breathe ok and calmed down. The next 20 minutes I just counted down and somehow I survived but what I am left with is this lingering dread and fear of MRI machines. I didn’t realize I was going to have 2 sessions at once and it took about 1 1/2 hours.  Oh my!  Next time, I am going to ask more questions! The next day, I called the doctor’s office to get my results.  The nurse called me back within the hour and told me that there was no cancer in my back, always good news but a little narrowing of the spine and a non-cancerous growth between C3 and C4.  We don’t know if that could be causing the nerve pain in my arm.  I waited to hear from the doctor but she didn’t call back that day.  I called again the next day and asked for her to call me with results- I wanted to hear them from her so I could ask more questions and get a referral for a back doctor and it has been a week and she still has not called back.  Unreal.  Luckily, Pete Hathaway read my MRI and I also called a doctor friend who could see me.  I don’t know what I would have done without those contacts.  It makes me feel terrible for someone who needs help but can’t get it.  I have been in a lot of pain but also feeling so despondent about the pain and how much it affects just living my life.  When I saw Dr. Randle, he gave me a steroid pack- I’m on the 3rd day and it has been a great day for pain.  I walked with friends this morning, weeded in the yard for about an hour, cleaned the house, ironed my clothes, packed for a trip, and now I’m writing in my blog.  When you don’t feel well, everything in your life suffers.

My friend Linda wrote about this the other day, “I have been inspired lately about the notion of circles and realized a few truths. We often think we are on some path that is heading from point A to B. I think all of our marathon running convinced me that I was always moving down some course. But I now realize I am really going in circles. Not to say that in the negative sense,  but that our life mostly goes in a circular motion. Just when we are ending one experience, we find we are actually beginning another. It has been said, “Follow the globe, round and without ending or expanse, this is the path that makes us great in the world of human existence.” Also, Edmund Waller said ‘My joy, my grief, my hope, my love, did all within this circle move.'”

I love that idea and agree.  I think we are really always learning and then coming back to where we began with that extra learning.


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