Last weekend Joe, Alex and I went mountain biking on this fun trail in Bloomington, near St. George. It has been a long time since I have mountain biked on a trail and never to this extent but it was exhilarating! I felt like a kid again going up and down hills, pedaling like mad when the bike lost its momentum and then scrambling to get to the top of the hill. It made me realize how much we need those activities in our lives that take us away from the cares of our world and let us forget, for even a short time, the many things weighing upon us. Tennis has the same effect of me. I can hit the ball as hard as I can and get so immersed in a point that I forget about anything else going on. I love that and I think we need that.
I am finding that my life seems to get more complicated with the years and since my battle with cancer, I worry much more than I used to. I hope I can regain that feeling of ignorant bliss that was so much a part of my life, pre-cancer. And yet, maybe that’s the key, to not let it get to you. Maybe there is an art to living life to the fullest even though all your dreams are still waiting in the distance, once dreamt about, recently abandoned but hopefully never forgotten.
But it’s April, which means, that once again the yard is beckoning me to come out and rake up the old dead grass and leaves that are covering the flowerbeds and lawn. It almost seems to be saying to me that it needs to be awoken from its winter slumber, it needs some rustling of its leaves and grounds so that it can reach up to the sun and start to grow.
And it never ceases to amaze me that every time I think my life is going in one direction, somehow or another, it moves towards another direction convincing me once again that I am not the sole director of my life. If I were, I would be in a different place, not better, but different. And I know that if I was in control of this journey, I would not push myself the way I am pushed. I would not stop and face down the challenges and road bumps in my life that always seems to leave me more frayed at the edges but with better character. And really, I know that is what life is suppose to be about. It’s not a pleasure cruise but a humanitarian mission. It all comes down to serving others.
Alex and Joanie getting ready to take on this hill!
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