Tuesday, March 15

Quote of the Day:  That which does not kill us makes us stronger.  Friedrick Nietzche

From Waking the Warrior Goddess:  Custom #3   Avoid all health-destroying fats.  Consume health-promoting fats every day.

Here’s more from the card from Annette:  I believe in angels and natural wonders and the beauty inside people.  I believe in rainbows and happy endings and dreams-come-true.  I believe in bright-and-shining tomorrows ahead for you.  It’s funny, because sometimes I look at cards and it just seems like there is someone writing them to get paid, coming up w/ corny phrases that don’t really mean much but this card really hit me and rang true for me.  I do believe all these things even though right now it seems like I’m wading through the mud and not making much progress towards happiness.

I hate that this cancer has taken away my innocence at looking at the world more positively.  It’s like the fairy tale ending of “happily ever after” doesn’t exist.  It’s overwhelming to think that this tiny little tumor can cause so much chaos in body and spirit.  It’s like I get a little information, process it, adapt into my psyche, somehow become ok with it and accept it, and then it happens over again.  I think that’s probably the process devastating news must take in our lives.  Perhaps it’s too much to get all at once but it’s like climbing stairs or a mountain.  You have to do it a bit at a time and then you grow understanding at the next level.  Even though, it often feels like you don’t have a choice- I didn’t choose this cancer- I think of Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, about his experience in the Nazi Concentration Camps.  He said that the one thing they could not take from him was his choice to decide how he was going to feel.   He was able to “find meaning in all existence”  and therefore have the will to live.

I do think we make choices every day about how we are going to feel, think, act, treat others etc.  I have had so many people say to me “How are you doing?’ and I know they expect me to say “horrible, terrible, really- this is the worst thing that can happen” but I’m not going to because I have so much to live for.  I have Taylor working hard as a missionary in Guatemala- following each rule so that he can return to us and say “I did everything I could to be blessed and bless others on my mission”.  I have Maggie who says to me many times during the day “I love you , Grandma Joanie!”  I am so grateful to my daughter-in-law, Mary who would give me such encouraging words  “There is no question in my mind that you will be running, biking, and schooling us all at tennis before you know it. I have NEVER seen you not come out conqueror on a challenge. This will be no different. I just put Maggie to bed and she said “Remember, I get to go to my grandma Joanie’s house tomorrow!” She love you more than words will ever express.”



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