Quote of the Day: “Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance. Samuel Johnson
Today Sue O. and I went wig shopping. I was grateful that she would do this with me. I heard someone talk once about the loneliness that some people experience in this world and he said that if everyone just had one friend, or someone who thought they were wonderful, they would be ok in life. I often would see students sitting in the halls alone during lunch at Skyline, their backs hunched up against the wall trying to look like it was ok that they were alone. It always bothered me. We weren’t meant to take this journey alone. When I visited the plastic surgeon, he said “Do you have a great support system?” I was happy to announce yes, I have an amazing support system!
So, back to wigs. I didn’t want to break down alone at the wig shop, so I wanted to have Sue with me. The shop had a great atmosphere with so many different styles, colors, and cuts. Sue walked around and picked out different ones, suggesting new styles and colors of hair and I had fun trying to make them look ok. I have a lot of hair and it was hard to get it all into a hairnet. We knew immediately if they style worked or definitely did not. So, here’s how wig wearing goes. You probably want something between your scalp (some people’s get irritated w/ chemo) and so you need some kind of hairnet or cover between you and the wig. The more expensive ones have a lace cover on your forehead to look more natural. I asked the store clerk if they would blow off in a strong wind and she assured me that no they would not. I picked two- darker colors than my normal hair, one wig w/ longer hair (always a dream of mine as a young girl to have hair to my waist- this wig is not that long), and a shorter, sassier one. I will be moving closer to my natural color, brunette. I sat in the chair looking at this really pretty hair flowing around my shoulders and thought “Maybe this won’t be so bad.” Now if I can just figure out the eye-lash and eye-brow issue. Never been a fan of the eye-brow pencil!
Here’s the worst advise I heard today because by the way, people love to give you advise when you’re in a tough situation. I get it, we all want to help and to be of useful service to others and so we rack our brains for something to say that would make the problem pass easier. Really, until this comment, the advise I’ve received has been taken to heart by me and appreciated. So a collegue of mine said: “Now, I know you’re LDS, but I think you should know that medical marijuana is a great option for pain. I wish it had been available when my mom was suffering (and dying) from cancer.” I know that I have breast cancer and that chemo and radiation will improve my odds of survival in the next 10 years by 13% but is medical marijuana in my future? Marijuana kills brain cells and I need mine. I think what bothered me the most is that it felt like someone was assuming that this cancer would take my life.
I continue to receive the kindest gifts and cards from dear friends. Thanks to Mike Dunn for bringing over the book, Unbroken… a story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption.. I can’t wait to read. Sweet messages of hope from Ann Jensen, Kristen Iversen and Cami Clements Warner. Thanks Sharon Dunn for that warm plate of rolls just when I needed them! And my dear 91 year old neighbor and friend, Mary Alexander, for your compassionate words of concern.
I called Mary, my daughter-in-law, today and I could hear 3 year old Maggie crying in the background. Her best friend and playmate, Bjorn, had just called her a baby and it hit a cord w/ Maggie. Later that day, Maggie was over and I asked her what she said to Bjorn when he made that disparaging remark. She had yelled to him in response: “I am not a baby, I am a BIG GIRL!” It got me thinking about how the world sees us vs. how God sees us. When something like cancer lands on your plate, you feel all these emotions of helplessness, despair, hopelessness and a general dread that you do not want to take this on and yet God must look at us differently. Maybe he sees in us this person who could go on and still smile at strangers in the grocery store despite the diagnosis, maybe a spirit who would refuse to give in to long term despair, maybe someone who would say it’s not what I would choose but it’s my reality so I better make the best of it.
When I was made Relief Society President in January which by the way, is way out of my comfort zone, I looked at the list of sisters and their birthdays and thought: I would like to personally visit each one of them during the year and see if I can build a connection and understand that person a bit better. That’s still going to be my goal this year because there is something about a personal visit, when you actually forget about the distractions of the world for a minute and focus specifically on that person, that ups your compassion and understanding. It’s becoming rarer in our society to relate on that level.
I so wanted to talk w/ Julie O’Leary further after she stopped by yesterday so I drove over to Julie’s today and had the nicest visit! Julie taught Community of Caring w/ me at Skyline one semester and it was so… fun to work w/ her. She has always been someone I looked up to because she exudes this kindness and understanding of life. She shared w/ me insights about her experience w/ cancer as her son, Connor, dealt w/ it last year. Connor is a world-class athlete- biker. He was in Europe last year on the biking circuit when he started to notice real fatigue. Julie and family watched as their son and brother got very sick and rode this roller-coaster of waiting for tests, wondering about the future and heart-ache for a son who was ready to leave on a mission but wasn’t going to be able to, yet. Julie was full of words of wisdom. She told me how her bishop helped the primary children understand their part in the power of prayer as they kneeled together to ask for Connor and family to find comfort and healing. Miracles did occur. She shared w/ me how a wise friend, Janet Checchio, helped her understand how the people around us can help us. She said that it’s like you have all these buckets around you that are filled w/ sorrow and really it’s too heavy for one person to handle so these loved ones come around and they take a bucket and hold it so that it becomes possible to get through the crisis and move through the heartache.
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