Today is my mom’s 77th birthday. How hard to have two of your daughters w/ cancer! She has 2 sisters and none of the three of them have had cancer. The doctor doesn’t think there is a familial link to breast cancer even though my sister has had breast cancer (she was tested but doesn’t have gene). Maybe it’s fortunate that I had all boys so we don’t have to worry about breast cancer for them.
I meet the runners/walkers at Sue Buehner’s today and told my story. They really want to know how this could happen and I also would like to know so we could prevent that but there is just so much not known and so many questions unanswered. It is truly a fear of all women but it’s part of the risk of this world. I fear that my cancer is spreading to other parts of my body and I can’t do a thing about it. I love this group of friends. They are all so caring, understanding and supportive. There is no deviciveness among us, everyone tries to include others in activities, we celebrate great events just like we hurt for each other when things go wrong. At the end of our exercising that morning, we gathered in a circle to have a prayer. This ended up being the best part of my day. Sue Buehner offered a prayer and you could hear sniffles all around. She had a hard time finishing the prayer and we all ended up crying. I was so touched that my friends hurt for me just as I hurt. It was such a strength to me. Thanks to Sue, Patti, Cokie, Lori, and Jill was boosting me up when I needed it!
I got a call from the doctor, Erika Lloyd, later that day telling me that I had the cancer marker called Triple Negative. I didn’t really understand what that meant so I started to look on the internet. I knew that it was the kind you didn’t want to have (she told us that the day before) so I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I first looked and thought that the internet said that it couldn’t be treated. I was very distraught when I went to the meet w/ the plastic surgeon regarding my options for reconstructive surgery. I was a mess and couldn’t stop crying. It was as if I had been slapped in the face w/ this extra news just after I was feeling like I could handle it. I think the flood gates had opened and I really tried to stop crying but couldn’t. The doctor was so kind and took about 2 hours explaining to me all the procedures. I found it extremely helpful. He said to me when I was leaving, “You’ll feel better after the surgery”. I realized how right he was. It’s such a worry thinking this is spreading through my body and If I can at least get the major cause out, it will help.
Once again, Jen came to my rescue. She called me as I was leaving the doctor and I told her what I had found on the internet. By the time I got home, she had e-mailed my some helpful links. The treatment for this agressive type of cancer is chemo and so I will be getting the full 8 weeks worth which I think is 4 months. I don’t even like to put Diet Coke in my body, it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around putting in poison but I know I have to and that it may save my life.
Later that day, I went with Mike to search out a place to have his wedding dinner (night before the wedding). I loved being with him and making these decisions. I may have hair again by August but if not, it will be such a happy event that I look forward to it.
Went to Jordan River Temple that night w/ Joe, Nate and Mary. Felt so comforted by the spirit and nothing like praying in the Celestial Room. So grateful for Mary. She has been a godsend. She makes me feel better each time that I talk to her. She has been asking around her collegues for advice and is always thinking about how she can make things better for me. Nate said that he knows I am strong and can get through this. All those comments buoy me up.
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