I have had a hard time wanting to write lately. Mostly, because my arm still hurts so badly and my side and legs and I really don’t see too much hope in sight. Yesterday, Joe and I went to the plastic surgeon to see if the pain could be caused by my implant resting on some nerves. I was excited about this prospect and would have willingly gone into surgery if he thought it was the issue. But sadly, he did not. He thought that if the implant was resting on nerves, I would feel in it my armpit and upper arm. The pain is mainly in my forearm. Every day is a struggle with pain. I find it hard to live with such chronic pain. I am existing but not really living. One of the things that I miss the most is relationships with others. I just don’t feel good enough to want to interact with people. I am trying to do my best to keep a normal life going, mostly for Joe and my family. I started on two quilts for my grandchildren, Kate and Joe, because I have made a quilt for every other person and I want them to have one from me. Next week, I will have a Petscan. I insisted on it after we learned that the implant wasn’t the problem. That will take place on Monday. And then I have an appointment in about 10 days with a neurosurgeon who has seen my MRI and thinks that the pain in my arm could totally be caused my compressed discs. I keep giving myself prep talks and trying to convince myself that I can do this, that I can live with pain because soon it will be over. I so want to live my life without pain and I so want to enjoy my family and doing all the things I love. I can’t even enjoy the 10 pounds I have lost!
Friday, October 30, 2014
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