Tuesday, December 1, 2015


Maggie and me on the Z trail on Thanksgiving Morn.  Nate, Joe, and Alex were there too.  My best times have been when exercising.

I’m getting ready for yet another surgery.  I’ve often thought that the people that process my insurance claims must think that I need and want a lot of attention.  10 surgical procedures in five years for a girl who winces at the thought of a needle in her arm.  But I’m trying to put my brave on once again as I face spinal surgery.  I am in a lot of pain and have been for the last six months.  Believe someone when they say nerve pain can drive you crazy as it has certainly done that to me these past months.  It took six months and eight doctor visits to figure out what was wrong with my arm and other parts of my body.  Or rather, perhaps we don’t yet know why my legs ache or why my stomach causes me great pain if I move the wrong way.  I have had a petscan that showed no sign of cancer so that has been a relief and I real positive.  I have not been living these past months but rather surviving.  I don’t quite know how I have been teaching school this semester or how I survived a half-marathon run in Yosemite, then sitting in a car which sent my nerve into fits but I did because I had to.  I have spent many a sleepless night trying to find relief in the shower or bath.  But I think the worst has been trying to control my emotions while being on and getting off of the drug Gabapentin. And, so here I sit about 1 1/2 days before surgery trying to complete some of the items on my to-do list before I enter the hospital.  Joe keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and I can truly say nothing other than my health back.

I want to be able to spend time with family and friends without thinking only of pain.  I want to enjoy having Sunday dinners again.  I want to read and write, laugh, sing and play the piano.  I want to enjoy making dinner and I want to be excited about Christmas and life in general.  I want to enjoy my students and enjoy teaching them.  I want to drive around and complete errands without having to run home because my arm and legs hurt so badly.  I want to type and not feel the pain in my numb fingers. And I want to run and play tennis again.  The doctor says that I should be back to normal in two months.  Mostly, I just pray with every fiber in my body that the surgery will bring me back to my happy, healthy self!

Annual Christmas Tree Excursion



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