I have been receiving e-mails from Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, and the one I got today really resonated with me. Like most people, I am always trying to lose a few pounds and often wonder why some strategies work better than others.  I really just thought that at times I have more self-control than at others.  But Rubin describes in the following message why some approaches work better for some people and other approaches for other people.  I got to thinking about what works best for me and why.  Am I an abstainer or a moderator when it comes to food?  Here is her message:

Abandon Your Self-Control by Gretchen Rubin

“Instead of working to strengthen your self-control, consider abandoning your self-control, by using the strategy of abstinence. Perhaps surprisingly, for many people, one of the easiest ways to resist temptation is to give something up altogether.

For “abstainers,” it’s easier to decide that something is off-limits, and never indulge. For abstainers, abstaining requires no self-control; indulging in moderation requires enormous self-control. You spend too much time thinking, “Today, tomorrow?” “Does this count?” “Don’t I deserve this?” etc. As an abstainer, it’s easier to say, “I never eat French fries.”

On the other hand, some people are “moderators” who do better when they act with moderation, because they feel trapped and rebellious at the thought of “never” getting or doing something. If you’re a moderator, it’s easier to say, “I can have a few French fries.”

There’s no right way; different approaches work for different people. Recognizing which one suits your nature provides a very helpful strategy for resisting temptation.

The abstainer/moderator split affects relationships, because often a person of one camp will try to persuade a person in the other camp to convert. Abstainers tell moderators, “You should go cold turkey!” and moderators tell abstainers, “It’s not healthy to be so rigid, you should get more fun out of life.” Moderators don’t understand why abstainers don’t want to keep cookies in the house, and abstainers don’t understand why moderators seem to keep breaking their own rules.

Resolve to “Abandon your self-control.” Identify the strategy that allows you to forget about exercising self-control, in order to boost your self-control. And when people in your life are trying to abstain, or to be moderate, don’t interfere with the strategy that works for them.”

I love this.  I’m definitely an abstainer.  I just do much better if I completely stay away from the food that is tempting me.  If I try moderation, I’m good for a little but then it seems that something throws me off course and then I feel guilty and then I eat the food that I was trying to moderate.  I’m just better to not even have chocolate treats around!!!