Wednesday, February 6

I mentioned this in an earlier post but I have been reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and something she did that I really like is she has her own set of commandments.  The first one is listed as “Be Gretchen” and so I have thought a lot about the topic “Be Joanie”.  I definitely am adding that to the top of my commandment list.  Now, why I wonder do I find it so hard to be me?  After all, I like me but then I see some quality that someone else possesses and I not only want to possess that quality, but I consider it superior.  Now, I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing to emulate the great qualities others have but I know in the past I have taken it too far.  And in that very endeavor, I have lost me.  Silly, really.  I need to change my thinking.  And so I resolve to find what is unique about myself, which qualities I possess and of course which I would like to possess without forfeiting me.  And I know that when I do that, I become much more content with what is me and happy to let others have their great qualities without feeling envious.

I scored one point today with the “Be Joanie” commandment.  I received an apology and instead of acting as if an apology wasn’t necessary, I simply said “Apology accepted”.   In that I felt that I had been true to myself if acknowledging that a wrong had been done.  I do need to get past my junior-high ways of not acknowledging what is really happening!

And yesterday, I went to see Dr. Nibley and felt so happy to leave the Cancer Care Center feeling healthy and happy.  I am two years out from diagnosis and after seven years I will be able to say “It’s not coming back”.  That is my wish and it’s a big one!

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