Empire Pass- above Park City and Heber Maggie, Kate and Joe Joe with Grandma Joanie
It was 4 years ago today that I had my last chemo treatment. Of course, if I could write the script of my life, radiation treatment wouldn’t be on my schedule this week because breast cancer cells never would have traveled to my brain and my cancer story would have ended in 2011. Since, I can only spend a little time wondering how awesome it would be to be completely healthy, dealing with what I do have has to be my number one priority. I read a church article called “Hope: The Misunderstood Sister” and it was so powerful in helping me understand about hope and comfort. Larry Hiller quotes a scripture from the bible- Roman 5:3-5 “…we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
He then goes on to make sense of it and that made sense to me. He says: “When we endure tribulation with faith and patience, what we experience is the Savior’s awareness of us and His love for us. We experience them through the ministrations of the Holy Ghost, the Comforter. We receive this witness after the trial of our faith.
In my own life, when I patiently endure trials, the Savior, who took upon Himself all of our ills and sorrows, ministers to me through the Spirit. Iexperience the Savior’s tender mercies. My trials may continue, but having taken upon me the yoke of Christ, I find Him sharing my yoke, making my burdens bearable, and giving me hope. I then have strength to endure. I have assurance that all will be made right, not just ineternity but also for eternity. Hope is anything but wishful. It is expectation based on experience.
I see Hope more clearly now. She is serene. Her eyes have the deep, knowing look of someone well acquainted with sorrow, the luminosity of recently being wet with tears. Hope has the confidence of one who clearly sees a bright future even when the next hours seem fog shrouded. Hope is steady and strong, a friend I am glad to have beside me during my own trials.”
I have been filled with comfort and hope that I will feel good again and be healed.
One of the talents that I came with is to be positive and optimistic and hope goes right along with that. But this time around, when we heard the bad news about the scan, I was tempted to not tell anyone and just try to deal with it without the added pressure of others watching me and talking. Church was exhausting today because people talk and some really love to talk when there’s bad news and there is so much misinformation going around. One person said “Good luck with your surgery” and so I told her that I wasn’t having surgery and she said “Oh ________ is telling everyone that you’re having surgery.”
But on a much lighter note, I have the three most darling grandchildren. We have been having such fun in Park City and will continue to do so this week. Joe Joe, 23 months, came up to me yesterday and said “Grandma Joanie” and then called my name several times in the car to get him out of his carseat and then today when they came home to church, Nate wrote to say Joe Joe was crying for me when they pulled up to their home. I choose life with my grandchildren, children and husband!
My Sacred Prayer Circle with my darling friends at our Sacred Place! Missing Sue Buehner (she was there and planned it!) and Sue Oldroyd (daughter just gave birth).