Quote of the Day: “Our trials are test; our sorrows pave the way for a fuller life when we have earned it.” Jerome P. Fleishman
From Waking the Warrior Goddess: Custom # 8 Consume Turmeric every day
Spring Equinox- days and nights are the same length everywhere in the world- about 12 hours. I’m usually so… excited for Spring because that means summer is not too far behind and I am really a summer person. I love to wear summer clothes and do summer things. I love to get as much day as possible out of the day- to watch the sunset around 9 P.M. and to witness the morning sunrise @ 6. Running in the summer is the best. You are so unencumbered by jackets, hats or gloves. It’s just you, outside, in the open taking in the sun. So this year, Spring and Summer mean chemo then radiation, hair loss, fatigue, mouth sores, who knows? One of my goals is to spend as much time exercising as my body can possibly stand. In some of the literature regarding chemo, it says that exercise helps relieve the side-effects. I’m hoping that by the time we get to the Tetons in August, the hardest part will be behind me and summer will really begin.
Mostly, I’m excited that Mike and Elle are getting married on August 4.
I’m so grateful for friends who are making sure that I have things to look forward to. Yosemite National Park is on my bucket list. The thing about having a illness that is life-threatening- you start to realize that you don’t have all the time you thought you did to do all the things you want to do. So we are planning a trip to visit Yosemite w/ the Burts in May. So in that sense, the illness gives you a kick in the butt to get going, get doing the things you’ve always wanted to do. It also makes you appreciate and value time so much. You are pickier w/ your time because frankly you don’t know how much time you have left. But also I feel really lucky that I can take some time off from school so that I can put my thoughts in order and realize what I want to do w/ my time. It would be very difficult to deal w/ cancer and all the pressures of life also. I feel great right now but I’m sure as soon as the chemo gets working on those fast-growing cells, my appetite for adventure will change or maybe cease.
I was thinking about pain and I certainly think there is a lot that can be learned to manage it. The brain is so powerful and we aren’t even aware of all it’s capable of doing. Shirley Bailey made an interesting observation about pain. She said that the mind doesn’t remember physical pain like it remembers emotional pain. I related that to having a baby where you go through this incredible pain and then you’re willing to do it again and sometimes again because the outcome is so positive. So does that mean that we tolerate pain more when we know it will give us a good outcome? In a way, if you think of chemo as saving your life not poisoning your life, you are much more likely to endure the process w/ a better attitude than if you just thought “Oh, I have this poison coursing through my veins and my body is getting sick from this”. I get it now, we are all willing to endure physical pain when we believe it will eventually make life better. But, about emotional pain, when you think back on it, it does sting w/ an intensity and eventually you can think about it without all the sting- if you’ve worked through and processed it- that’s why there are all these steps and stages to go through to get to a place where it doesn’t hurt so much.
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