Tuesday, February 8

Needless to say, I was a wreck this day.  I didn’t have enough information to have any kind of understanding of what was in my future.  I called the Care Specialist and had her send any information to my brother-in-law, Dr. Peter Hathaway who is a radiologist at St. Mark’s Hospital.  He was so helpful and supportive in explaining that they gave my ultra-sound a 5 meaning “highly suspicious” in regards to the lumps.  My sister, Jen Hathaway, also was so helpful in getting information to Pete.  I am so grateful that Pete was able to look at chart and explain to me about the MRI on Friday- what to expect, what they will detect etc.

As I started to think of cancer as a possibility, I realized that there is a shame that comes w/ a cancer diagnosis.  Almost as if you had done something wrong to have this happen to you and I mean strictly in a physical sense.  I looked at people all day thinking they weren’t eating as healthy as I eat or probably didn’t exercise like I did so why did this have to happen to me.  But I realized that cancer is no respecter of persons.  I definitely believe that you should eat healthy, organic food but our bodies are exposed to a lot of bad stuff, and it always doesn’t turn out to be life threatening.

I was so worried and filled w/ fear that all I could do was curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.


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