Tuesday, July 12

Quote of the Day: “The moment you turn a corner you see another straight stretch ahead and there comes some further challenge to your ambition.  You must keep going.”  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Yes, it’s Tuesday and I am not having an infusion of chemo!  Oh, how grateful I am that they are over.  I did have some discouraging news yesterday.  Joe talked to the PA at the Cancer Clinic at IMC and my numbers were higher than normal from the ovarian blood test.  The test came back on the 29th of June but the clinic didn’t call us with the results.  I assumed that no news was good news, partly because it’s so scary to get test results back. We had to call them 2 weeks later and then they had to search for the results.  It’s hard to understand.  They were also inappropriate with the way they handled the BRCA 1 test results.  I’ve been disappointed in the care I’ve received- you really feel like a number vs. a human with cancer.  I have seen a different person almost every week and the oncologist only 3 times.

One thing I have going for me is that the ovarian ultra-sound looked good.  I will visit the Ob-Gyn on Monday and will know more what they will do with the test results.  Most likely, they will take blood again and go from there.  So, I have pretty much been in a state of fear, anger, and denial since Joe told me last night.  I pretty much don’t know if I can take any more.  If I had to go back and do more chemo, I guess I would do it, but I think it would kill me emotionally.  My hair is starting to grow back and that would be so hard to lose again.  But, hey I am getting ahead of myself and really may be fine and cancer-free.  It’s summer outside, I’m stuck inside watching the fun-filled days of July go by,  trying to muster up some energy before I have to lay back down again.  I did get outside for an hour today and did some yard work.

As is with all of us and life, we have to find things we are excited about.  So I look forward to when my family is around me.  Nate, Mary and the girls are coming over tonight.  Croquet, ping-pong, maybe?  Just when I was feeling so dejected about my situation, Donna Pizza called and boosted my spirits.  She said the my blog is helping others too and that her daughter, Whitney, put my name in at the temple.  I started realizing how blessed I feel by the actions and prayers of others.  I also thought about the priesthood blessing Joe gave me before surgery and feel like I will be healed!


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